Well…
A long illness
I have been sick for most of two months. I am tired of being tired. On good days, I feel like I’m wearing a wet blanket or moving through sand. Bad days have been staying in bed, not being able to sleep, and barely having the energy to feed myself or put together a sentence.
But I am grateful: my partner has been taking care of me and is able to work; friends and family have shown up with treats and other support; I haven’t had to be hospitalized or take any scary medications; and I will recover. Eventually.
I have had a lot of time to think. And I have been re-thinking my whole life. What am I doing? How am I going to earn a living? Am I happy? I have goals, but have I moved any closer to them in the past year?
A midlife crisis
Earlier this year I retired (aka burned out) from a vocation (hairdressing) I had been doing for almost twenty years and began a new career (Pilates instructor), which I have been doing for about a year. While I enjoy the new work, I recognized early on that I didn’t want it to be the only thing I do. So what is that other thing?
My partner has said that I’m having my midlife crisis. I hadn’t put those words to it, but it seems apt. Burning out, making a career transition, going from senior to junior, and then realizing the new thing isn’t quite “It” has made me feel like I’m in a bit of a tailspin. While I don’t think I made a mistake picking my new career, I’m still asking “Okay, what else?”
The mission I crafted when going through my Pilates training is: I help people love themselves. Through loving ourselves, love and joy are spread to others and the world. So what else aligns with this mission? Being a therapist? Life coaching or wellness coaching? Energy work? Artist? This is the main question I’m exploring right now.
Thankfully this fatigue has not come with brain fog. I have been thinking, journaling, reading, and revisiting my mission and goals. I’ve been revisiting some of the tools that have helped me in the past. I’m feeling some urgency to get my shit tools together and do more than nudge the needle toward my goals. I am going to more deeply understand and live my highest purpose.
The tools
Can you relate to any of this? My hope is that through sharing this journey I can help and inspire others. Here are some of the tools that are helping me right now:
Movement & Meditation. I have a yoga practice that I make time for every morning. I integrate a ten-minute meditation into this practice. I have used Headspace and really enjoyed Waking Up to support my meditation. Right now I’m using Insight Timer.
Gratitude practice. Three times a day I take a moment to list five or more things that I’m grateful for. I prefer to do this outside with bare feet on the ground.
These are my non-negotiables, my pillars. Whatever you’d like to establish as your pillars, it can be helpful to do them first thing in the morning, or integrate them into something you already do regularly, like having a meal.
Positive Affirmations. “As the esteemed psychologist Barbara Fredrickson has demonstrated, it’s important to generate a minimum of three to five positive thoughts in response to every negative reaction you have.” -from Words Can Change Your Brain by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman. Neuroscience and compassionate communication come together in this book. Great for everyone, but highly recommended for anyone who is a teacher, instructor, or public speaker.
The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels – Spiritual Psychology. This book blew my mind. I’m trying to use the tools more regularly. The tool Grateful Flow has become my gratitude practice.
Zig Zag podcast Brief episodes with exercises designed to align your career with your values. I did this back in 2021 and got some valuable insights, but I can’t find my notes. The first episode is about assessing where you are right now, and being comfortable with “the neutral zone.” (Certainly this long recovery has put me there.)
Live Your Legend – a program/planner that is no longer available. Here are the basic ideas:
- Become an expert in yourself: What are your unique strengths? What are your values? What are your experiences? Who are the people who inspire you and why do you want to be like them?
2. Find your impossible and shoot for it: Redefine what your possible is – changes come in small steps, in incremental pushes.
3. Surround yourself with passionate people- the people doing what you want to do. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” -Jim Rohn Change your surroundings to inspire possibility.
4. What is the work you can’t NOT do?
Let’s do stuff
When I was well and working, the thing I looked forward to most was a day full of unscheduled time and not having anything to do. After several weeks of not being able to do anything, I can’t wait to do stuff. Let me know if you try or have tried any of these, or let me know a tool that has helped you. I will continue to share more tools to help us all love ourselves and live our highest purpose.